Today I sat with Colleayn Klaibourne reviewing the visual aid for the Discover Your B*a*g Continuum model and the label for the Traveling Sanctuary B*a*gs.  Working with Colleayn, an artist and intuitive, brings practice to a vital component of the continuum, which is to have faith in the process, represented in the strap of each Traveling Sanctuary B*a*g.  As we journey in our self discovery the messages are revealed in the subtle moments.  Bringing awareness to those moments requires mutual trust and acceptance for each others self expression.  My trust in Colleayn’s and Colleayn’s trust in my own.

We were discussing how to convey “the journey as a Traveling Sanctuary.  I had visualized a path, which narrowed in perspective as it trailed up the slope of the oval.  Queen Ann’s Lace framed the path. While leafing through her initial sketches I see one that had not been revealed prior.   I see the new sketch and am struck by the bold message.  It spoke to me, “Expand, as in expand your boundaries, your dream is HUGE!”  I know to trust the message.  My heart told me so.  It smiled.

As I pray the Prayer of Jabez I am asking to expand my territory, to be open to offering my gifts to those whom cross my path. Image from art.com.

It but takes the size of an eye of a needle to come to understand the depth and lengths of what is within ourselves.

I close my eyes and breathe deeply.  Going, going back to mid-January 2007.  In the years to come meeting sisters whom point to this very same time as their starting point for new awakenings.  Had I drawn them to myself by magic?  YES! by real magic, not imagined or slight of hand.

No time during the day. Work. Children. Household callings.  Each night I set out searching for something.  What?  Where to begin?  Everyone (sane and proper) was in bed sleeping, including my family of course.  I so desperately needed something.  I didn’t realize at the time that special someones were needed, my Travel Guides of sorts.  I started with an idea, not so concrete.  I’ve learned to trust ideas, as it has been my experience (repeated over and again) that they hook your heart and pull you forward.

What did I want to do as a child?  I started there.  I had imagined myself as an interior designer.  Fear held my back.  I shielded myself from the big college experience, got a job, got married, gave birth to an amazing son, got divorced, got married, had more children and worked for the same corporate company for 24 years.

Mid-January 2007, Mom, wife and employee by day, explorer by night.  (A lesson:  Release your attachment to the exact thing you are trying to find and JUST EXPLORE.)  Your heart will lead you if you let it.  Mine led me to this present moment.  And in this moment I am surrounded by the love of my family and the love of many sisters, many whom,if it had not been for the internet, I would have never met.

As I became a witness to the love, courage and talents of my sisters I was compelled to draw them near, hold them dear and release them to whom I would be present to.  A practice of nightly meditation emerged.  (A lesson:  practice, mastery and focus brings on a graceful power and knowing.)  The feminine power of my grandmother Veronica became ever more present.

Mid-January 2012.  January, a month of my birthday that I now celebrate as my re-birth month.  This year’s birth, requiring a very difficult and painful labor, has revealed herself in such a miraculous manner.

Sisters, deep in the night your light shines bright.  I draw you near.  I hold you dear.  I release you to whom I am present, each day.

What beautiful scenery and what a great garage sale find; 3 puzzles for $5. That one is especially beautiful, a picture of a country cottage. And that one is an angel. Oh and that one of a guitar with floating musical notes. Wow they’re all 1000 pieces!? Putting these together would be a challenge. Hmm….Let’s see…..I’ll need a large flat surface. The area will need to remain undisturbed for several weeks, as I can only assemble them at night while the kids are sleeping. What the heck, I’ll buy all three! There’s just something about them. I must have them. I hadn’t assembled a complete puzzle since I was 10 years old during visits to my grandmothers. I think I put that Under Dog puzzle together 100 times. Well, it was only 100 pieces.

Once I got home, I convinced my husband to lay a large piece of plywood over half the billiard table, downstairs. He hadn’t played the game for months, so it really wasn’t a big deal. The following day, the challenge began. I opened the country cottage box and observed the contents. As I peered into the box I could see the prior owner had pieced it together, as it lay in several assembled hunks. For a brief moment I flash back, “You’re an under achiever.” I could ease out the hunks and save some major time. Metaphorically speaking my 39 year life has felt just this way. “To hell with that!”

I break the pieces apart as if I had something to prove. How can I begin unless I, I mean the puzzle, has been broken apart? “There!” Pieces are all over the floor, some facing down, and some facing up. Next step: place all the pieces face up onto the smooth, sanded, plywood board. It’s a sea of mosaic colors. I squint my eyes- greens, blues, yellows, reds.

Just like a good girl, a good puzzle, in a nice contained box has 4 corners and a bunch of straight pieces. Thank goodness for predictability. Right? I find them and start there. Before I know it, a complete frame is formed and in just 2 hours of time. I call it a night. The middle pieces will be much harder to assemble. Little did I know that night, but my husband would not be playing billiard for a very long time to come.

During the several months that followed, I made my way downstairs for brief moments, placing together one or two pieces each night. Strangely, the actual puzzle was not depicting what was on the box top. There was a country cottage, with the cozy porch and two rocking chairs. That was clearly on the box, but the subtle outline of an angel in the trees above? Ok, maybe if I squint while I look at the box top, I’ll see it. Hmm… nope. This peaked my interest. I went from 1 to 2 pieces a night to 5 to 10 pieces.

The night of completion had come. I only had 10 more pieces to go and they were all to be placed in the middle. The day had been a rough one and I was pretty tired. I’m going to take a quick nap in the recliner before I get started. Almost instantly I am in a deep sleep. And I am sleep walking? It seemed so real. I am walking down a country road. I am overcome with the smell of flowers. The smell is not familiar, but more like a mixture of every pleasant smell I have ever experienced. The smell draws me down a lane that leads to THE cottage, THE porch, THE flower garden and THE angel floating above in the tree. I walk up the porch steps and sit down in one of the rocking chairs. As I rock I start to hear music. It is to the rhythm of my rocking. The other rocker starts to rock and slowly a figure appears. It is a beautiful woman playing a guitar.

Suddenly I am jolted awake. I shake my head and widen my eyes open. I look around. Yes, it appears that I am awake. I look at the clock on my cell phone. I had only been sleeping for 5 minutes. “The puzzle, the puzzle. I must go finish the puzzle.” As I approach the smooth plywood board only one thing comes to mind, “I must still be sleeping.” All the middle pieces had found their place. The cottage, the angel and in the middle, the beautiful singing women playing her guitar, it was all there in the completed puzzle. I gazed at the middle, for what seemed to be an hour. I wasn’t dreaming. It was real. I took a deep breath, sighed and closed my eyes. As I open my eyes I am again struck. What I thought was to be the night of completion was replaced with four sides of openness, open for more interlocking puzzle pieces. “Billiards, never to be played in this house again it seems.” I never did find those other two puzzles.

I tell this fictional story, but oh how the truth reveals itself.

• Everyone and everything has a story. I love old and repurposed items. It continues the story and is good for the environment.
• I am just like my Grandma Veronica. She was a victim of domestic abuse and she overcame so much to create a sanctuary where I put puzzles together and felt so safe. Her feminine power transcended through my dad to me. She guides me and provides much hope.
• I fight to overcome feelings of unworthiness and inability, but I find my power and I rejoice. I feel I have not suffered enough. This is ridiculous. Suffering is not to be compared.

• I pray the Prayer of Jabez: And Jabez called on the God of Israel saying, “Oh, that You would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evil, that I may not cause pain!” So God granted him what he requested. 1 Chronicles 4:10
• I must be myself. I must discover and rediscover myself every day. Sometimes this means raw rough edges. I must LOVE myself and lead with my strengths. I accept my faults and seek to understand others and not to judge.
• As much as we want to put things in a nice neat completed package we must always be open to the plan, which isn’t always our logical, safe plan.
• We must listen to our inner voice. Remember the middle pieces are not the ones first revealed. We must not be deterred by the mysterious. It’s about the mystery and what leads us around the blind corners, which brings us to the middle, only to be set off again on the journey.

Veronica couldn’t have imagined the power she possessed as a young woman. The power that would transcend from her, to her son, to her granddaughter and, through the grace of God, to many more to come.

FOLLOW the unfolding story of the Traveling Sanctuary Sisterhood Handbags.  Handmade items carry the love and passion of the craftswoman.  Each Traveling Sanctuary Sisterhood handbag will have a vintage fabric incorporated onto it.  Their stories fuel us to fulfill our purpose.  We carry our Traveling Sanctuaries reminding us to share our stories.  It connects us. She IS me.  We are the vessel.

A bag that coaches (not a Coach bag). A vessel that empowers connectedness, stillness, adventure. A vessel the holds the tools you need to go to your dreams. A vessel that empowers your worthiness.

The Traveling Sanctuary Sisterhood handbag story unfolds on Pinterest. Please do follow.

One of the first proto-tye Traveling Sanctuary Handbags belonging to Terry Grahl of Enchanted Makevovers at www.enchantedmakeovers.org.

Enchanted Makeovers’ mission is to transform shelters for women and children into an environment that inspires psychological and behavioral change. A haven is created where women and children rebuilding their lives are reminded everyday they hold the ”golden ticket” to transforming their dreams into reality. Our unique makeovers, projects and programs supplement the shelter’s efforts, building a stronger foundation for success and improved outcomes.

It builds and builds and builds.  I had to be strong, accepting things the way they were.  Blinded and in the dark, but one must get lost enough perhaps to get the point where you just have to vomit, violently, physically of the body and metaphorically of spirit.  Your spirit and body do their job.  It’s preparing a path to new things, knowing another purge will likely be needed in the future.  OH YES the cycle of it all.  It all comes down to circles (polka dots).

I have cleaning house folks.  If we don’t love it, it’s gone.  So, I was going through all the books in the house today.  Many were the types of books that are a daily devotional/reading.  Ones like Starting Your Day Right by Joyce Meyers and Simple Abundance, A daybook of comfort and joy, by Sarah Ban Breathnach.

I thought, “Hmmmm I need to open one to today’s date.  And, “Hmmmmm I should keep these in a basket next to my chair (well I don’t really have A chair, one that one sits at the same time every day, sipping tea and such.  sure sounds like a good idea.  i’ll give it some more thought later, as I am making room for stuff like that.)  Anyway,  I decided to keep them all and it would be okay to randomly pick one up to that day’s date.  I’ve made it a practice to do this every day with one book.  I’ll do it again, but if it is random that’s okay too.

“March 29 (any year really) Simple Abundance – Comfort Clothes and What They Mean.  This is what struck, “This week be a detective.  Examine closely the items in your wardrobe you reach for when you need comfort.  Look for clues to help you bring more comfort into your life.  What fabrics feel good against your skin?  (now the next sentence gave me goose bumps)  Make a note of it on the small spiral notebook you’re carrying in your purse.”

What do you love?  Who are you in the inside?  Does it show on the outside?  Your home? AND how you dress, including your handbag.  It has become so essential for me to dress in a way that reflects my values and at the core what I AM.  BROWN!  I prefer brown shoes and socks.  It’s not really a conscious thing.  I am EARTHY, GROUNDED.  I create that space.  I know this about myself and the awareness that I must have BROWN shoes and socks brought awareness to this quality I have.  I credit writing in a journal which I carry in my Traveling Sanctuary B*a*g for helping me come to this awareness.  Imagine what color YOUR Traveling Sanctuary B*a*g would be. What FABRICS are comfortable and YOU?

My purging comes after being at in the valley.  I give thanks and raise my hands to the heavens.  In the valley you can dig up the deep rooted stuff that falls during the brave face phases.  It’s all coming up.

A new day dawns, even in the valley.

I told my husband this week that I needed to start writing again.  I don’t even know the last time I posted.  A lot has happened since then and I’m not inclined to go into all the details here and now.  Needless to say life has pressed on me.  I knew in my heart that in order to grow I would need to experience life in such a way.  Recently I posted on Facebook, “Surrender to the circumstances that require you to dig to the depths for your strength. Breathing. Being grateful. Loving ya all.”

I am blessed with loving friends and family and have felt so much love through some challenges……challenges that in the big scheme of all the world are small.  Pure love and joy rests in the middle of suffering and felt to the depths one does not describe in words.  Is this what it means to really live?

I have also been blessed with new friendships during this time, Clare being one of these friendships.  We’ve met two times.  Time flies.  We talk honestly with each other.  She has a studio.  She can do amazing things with fabric. When we spoke today I knew she truly listened to me the first time.  She “saw” me.  She “heard” me.  We aren’t always present with others.  When you’ve been seen and heard you know and it is truly a gift.

We discussed handbags, literally and as Traveling Sanctuaries.  It is and has always been about the B*a*g, my story, mission, purpose, calling, knowing despite the detours.  I knew I needed the right craftswoman to literally help me bring it to life.   All signs point to OH YES.

We have lessons to learn, some which only come about with life pressing on you.  What is it to live in acceptance?  What is it to walk by faith and not by sight?  What is it to be with your pain?

Yoga and breathing came up in my conversation with Clare today.  It spoke to the special practice of the Traveling Sanctuary Sisterhood mediation I started 5 years ago, a practice that gave life to the signs that has led my journey since.  “I breathe in your love and courage. I exhale and share it with anyone who crosses my path. Please know the power of your presence in my heart. Breathe. Know you are loved and adored.”  The bag will remind you to breathe, be still.  You are with me and you are loved and adored.

THE TRAVELING SANCTUARY™ SISTERHOOD LIVES……MORE TO COME AS I ALLOW THIS TO CONTINUE TO UNFOLD AS IT HAS FOR YEARS NOW.  Grace OH YES.  Grace.

What a day.  Nearly midnight.  Computer got a virus.  Diagnosis not yet known.  Thankful for a lesson taught by a kid while reading The Right Brain Business Plan.

Sitting at hockey practice reading the Right Brain Business Plan a young man brings in some wares.  Wood cutting boards, handmade.  A poster with pictures of him building the cutting boards.  The words:  Boards by Ryan, My Passion is Hockey.

I continue reading.  A lady approaches the boy.  He tells her how they are made.  She buys one.

Participating in hockey is expensive.  $750 for the membership alone for my 9 year old.

PASSION is powerful fuel.  This young man did not ask for a handout or feel sorry for himself because his family could not afford the membership fee.

PEOPLE ARE EAGER TO HELP PEOPLE WHO HELP THEMSELVES.  Ryan knew what he wanted.  He took action.  He connected his WHY FUEL, passion for playing hockey, to his HOW TOOL, woodworking.

PASSION + ACTION = SOLD.  As I was reading the Right Brain Business Plan book and taking notes about my own business plans, this kid reminded of a lesson that must be learned over and over again. 

A committment to flowing my energy (money, action and a word of encouragement) to what I value made my decision easy. I purchased a cutting board.

Values reside within the essence of you as a Traveling Sanctuary.  It is central to your journey.